Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Backlash, a.k.a. The post where MOM GUILT threatens to eat me alive, and I relive again THE HORROR with every rereading.

Okay....First Night - We put Wyatt to bed at 8:30...crying started at 8:39...stopped BRIEFLY half hour later (hence previous post)...finally went to sleep at 10:12. This was with me still going in every little bit...just not rocking him or picking him up. Just put him down tonight at 8:06...crying started at 8:08. Whoopeeeeee.....

Monday, September 24, 2007

The part wherein I am stupidly optomistic about sleep training and pacifier weaning.

Forgot to mention, we're weaning off the pacifier at the same time. Why not just go for broke? WHOAH...I only went in there twice and my kid is SILENT...either someone kidnapped him or this is the calm before the storm...(bites nails)...


Someone please shoot me in the head. What was that thing I said earlier...something about being vaguely excited? What an IDIOT.

The part wherein I REALIZE my conclusion was paranoid, and am indoctrinated into the evil ways of sleep training.

Ok, so I'm a freak. Yay! There is nothing wrong with Wyatt - he was not having a seizure and I was being paranoid. Thank God. In other news, he now weighs 21 pounds and is 28 inches at 6 months - wow! 95% for both. As planned, I discussed Wyatt's sleep (or lack thereof) to the ped. He thinks that since Wyatt's colic was so bad, we became super-soothers, and now he expects a lot of soothing since it ended and has no ability to put himself to sleep. Basically he said that the only way to get over this waking every hour thing is to put him down fed, clean, and awake, not return for a set number of minutes when he starts crying.

I feel like I've read every technique or philosophy and the pros and cons and I've been so torn, so this is what I've been trying for several weeks with little success. But I've been apparently been doing it wrong...when I return, I'm only supposed to reposition him, not soothe him back to sleep. This is for when he goes down at night, after that, soothe him for all the other awakenings. I am at the end of my rope and ready to try almost anything, but it is so hard to hear your child scream, even briefly. He told me it shouldn't take longer than a week for him to be able to soothe himself, and I feel incredulous, yet slightly excited. I'll have to remember that tonight when I feel like my heart is being drop-kicked on the floor. I just want my happy rested baby.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

The part wherein I jump to a paranoid conclusion.

Today we went to Julian and had some famous apple pie. (Not you, Wyatt...sorry bud. Although you did whine and wimper while you watched us eat it, almost as if you wanted us to know how rude we were being by not sharing.) When we came home, the hubby started rearranging and organizing the living room (yay!) while I took Wyatt grocery shopping. When we got home he was tired, so I put him in the swing for a nap (sometimes you gotta do what works) even though it was close to 6:00pm and his bedtime is somewhere between 8 and 9. (Hey, if my kid is tired, gosh darn it, he will sleep whenever I can get him to.)

When he woke up I brought him out into the living room where Daddy was vacuuming, and wouldn't you know it, that sound that used to calm and soothe him seemed oddly frightening. (Hmmm...kind of a sad commentary on our LACK of vacuuming, but why would I point THAT out?) Anyhow, he pouted with shaking lower lip and started crying, so I had to hold him until the vacuum stopped. And then I put him in his Excersaucer and the room looked totally different so THAT freaked him out. (I mean, he would be diggin' it if we were at someone else's house, but we were at HIS house, and WHAT IN THE HECK DID WE DO TO THE PLACE? It was totally not cool, man.)

Speaking of the Excersaucer, when he was in it he stood on his VERY tippy toes, and kind of shook and made this weird noise. Freaked me out. Almost like he was totally excited, but he's never done that before. And then he did it three more times, as he was reaching to pet the dogs. It seemed more like excitement then, but what about the jerky movements? Hubby tried to assure me that it was because he was standing on tippy toes and his muscles were taught. But I was totally worried...especially because I just saw Jenny McCarthy on Oprah (yeah,...like YOU never watch it), and she was talking about her son who has autism, and how he would have seizures as a baby. It's probably nothing, and there was no eye rolling going on, but just in case, you know I'll spend a good part of the evening googling "baby makes weird noise and shakes". Because I like to make myself as paranoid as possible.

Wyatt has his 6 month checkup tomorrow and I'll mention it to the Dr. along with, "Uh...my baby NEVER sleeps. Really." He will probably just tell me I'm a hypochondriac, which I am, sort of, but maybe he'll also tell me how this is really common and he can tell by looking at my child that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong. Not that I would be completely reassured, but maybe it would knock down my anxiety by like....5%? Fingers crossed.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Happy Half-Birthday!

Today you are six months old, Wyatt! In the spirit of all things celebratory (and because you are finally asleep), I wanted to say a bit about all the quirky things I LOVE about you:

1. You are just so DARN cute. (And it can't be just me, you get nonstop comments and attention wherever we go!)

2. Your mischevous little smile.

3. Your infectious chuckle.

4. Your determination.

5. Your expressive little eyebrows.

6. The way you sometimes break out into a huge grin after you've been crying and I walk into the room.

7. Your spunk.

8. Your sense of humor.

9. The way your head smells after a bath.

10. Your chubby, pinchable cheeks.

11. Your angelic expression when you have finally fallen asleep.

12. The way you study everything around you, taking in every last detail.

13. Your eyelashes resting on your cheeks.

14. Your belly.

15. Your priceless expressions.

16. The way you grab my nose and touch my face.

17. The way you open up your mouth for the spoon, just like a baby bird.

18. The way you go crazy in your Exersaucer.

19. The look you get when you have done something new and you are just so pleased with yourself.

20. Your adorable button nose.

21. Your perfect little lips.

22. The way you have of sticking out your tongue.

23. Your profile.

24. Your fat little feet.

25. All the ways you have enriched my life.

I LOVE YOU WYATT! Sleep well, my prince.

Monday, September 17, 2007

6 months tommorrow...

Tommorrow will mark 6 months since I pushed out this writhing screaming ball of energy and I am beyond praying for a sleep miracle. There were these TWO WHOLE GLORIOUS WEEKS (!!!) where Wyatt sleept for 9-11 hours at night, and it was not ON me. (From birth to around 2 months, the only way he would sleep at night was on my chest. I am not naturally a back sleeper, so those 10-minute increments did not provide much rest. Especially since I had to rock him the entire time. All night long. The boy was born loving motion and still cannot be soothed to sleep without it. But I digress.)

TWO WHOLE WEEKS of night sleep and life was starting to look liveable again. Then we took a trip to visit Grandma in Maryland (around 4 months of age), and lo and behold the pattern of night waking every 1-2 hours began and has yet to abate. It almost seems as bad as the first few months, but it isn't nearly and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Still, aside from those 2 weeks, these last 6 months have yet to provide me with more than 2 consecutive hours of sleep at time, and I get irritated at those folks who keep asking me how I like motherhood. "About as much as scratching my eyes out with razor blades." (THAT would go over well.)

Although I love my son like crazy, motherhood thus far has been nothing short of insane. Surely I am not the only one who feels this way? There have to be others of you out there who dearly love your children, but have been "blessed" with highly active, "high-need", low-sleep babies. And I know how it frustrates you to receive tons of advice that is supposed to work on the "typical" baby but is a joke with your "strong-willed" child. On the plus side, my active and determined baby has begun crawling (which keeps me even more busy, but him less frustrated, which makes for a happier mommy).

(Oh my goodness, after 45 minutes of rocking in the bouncy seat, he is finally asleep (probably for a usual 15 minute catnap, but STILL) - wish the hubby didn't have the camera at work or I would take a picture as proof that the kid DOES occassionally sleep.) Oh did I mention I love my son? He is such a little personality and I really do. =)